greetings!
been a while, since i last updated my journal, but i guess, now´d be quite the right time to do so once more
summer´s already over and tbh - it´s been the shittiest one in my entire life lol. quite a lot of troublesome stuff happened and i learned quite a bit about how bothersome it could be, if you get too friendly with other people!
every ugly story starts out nice usually, but as soon as stuff begins to cheer up, only to crush you right there on the spot, one should notice, that thing´s aren´t as bright, as they´d seem especially if you´re being broken over and over again until you´re back in your usual "hollow shell"-state haha!
seriously, i´m fed up by shit like this, which is why i´m totally looking forward to university starting again, beginning next week! :S still i´m sure that there´ll still be quite a lot of space to go get drunk and continue spending my sweet love for hate and violence, just like i did over the whole course of summer ))

no offense to anyone, but why would one need to have a heart and shit, if you could also get some vodka? in the end it f*cks you up in the same fashion, but at least it doesn´t leave any sort of bitter taste in your mouth afterwards history always keeps repeating itself, which is why i´ll just keep myself numb and stop caring about it, as i can´t do anything to make stuff work out anyway

so yeah, sweet cheers on hate and violence!
well then, i´m out, keeping up with my tight shedule of utter selfdestruction, while trying to push out some art lol in the end i´m just another lost kid, trying to become a better human and still failing it all the effin way
everything´s wrong anyway
/end rant

...as it´s like the only thing, that seem´s to be driving me for a while now i dunno, but i kinda feel like writing this sh*t down lol
it´s like i´m stuck in some twisted vicious cycle, which solely centers around being consumed by selfhate to force myself to progress as an artist and as a person, although it feels like i´m failing in both subjects lol

it´s been now a lil´bit over a year since i picked up digital art and i can´t see how to progress faster - i´m slow working, not doing important studies (at least i try to study stuff,when i´m in the middle of painting something unknown to my brains database, but stuff tends to suck anyways) and just being a failure
i´m usually not the type to pity himself, but it´s getting dull, to grow older, but not growing as a human being :0 i´d love to spend my life drawing and painting professionally, but i can´t see that happen anyway, as i´m technically sh*t, no matter how much i sacrifice to increase my commitment ~___~

tbh, i feel like wanting to become some kinda shut-in-forever-alone-guy, in order to achieve something, but i´m not sure, if i can really do that, as i´m lacking overall as a human ~__~

life sucks, if you can´t find your purpose :/


ps: i love, how the lyrics of smile empty soul´s "bottom of a bottle" overlap so effin much with my situation right now hahaha :7
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C2KRf…

sup!
haven´t updated my journal forever q___q at least it felt like forever haha xD
actually, i don´t have anything in particular to say, which makes me writing a new entry quite the curious thing :0 life sucks, my stomach hurts from drinking too much over the past weekend, university is killing me as usual, i´m stuck in a constant flux of being misanthropic when alone and playing little miss sunshine when around friends xD

well, on a more serious note: hooooraydaydaydaydayhay i´ve been featured in an interview by the superdupermegaoptimusprimeawesome which anyone, who´s interested can read up here -> que-ink.deviantart.com/journal… i´m still like super-honored and thankful for getting a little exposure and support from friends like her

also i made semi-finals in the skate-deck design contest, in which i participated D (moonbeam13.deviantart.com/jour…)
my entry was this skatedeck, which was quite an interesting experience to work on

congrats to the winners at this point and to everyone who participated also, if any of the official judges stumble across my journal - thanks for picking me haha! also thanks to a special friend, who greatly inspired me on this design, who kinda doesn´t seem to give a rats a$$ though xD

3months of premium membership inc + alot of freetime over summer + desperately looking forward to getting a new intuos5 =

ps: i´ve been in love with this song for days now and my brain must be turned into a strawberry-turd by now, for spamming this sh!t all day long xD www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqT0iF…
gotta....make....kasane teto fanart q__q

Howdy! Didn´t really have the time to update my journal for some time now, but I guess, now´s a good moment, as I´d really like to a rest a little from painting like an idiot xD Although I should be studying like a madman by now,  it´s just sooooooooo much more satisfying to spend time drawing strange poses (lol!) with my lil spiderman-friend modelling for me instead xDD

I´d prefer to actually push out stuff more consistently, than I´m doing now, but I´m glad I´m actually working on something meaningful, instead of wasting my time with something unnecessary haha

btw- the new demon hunter album is teh s**t!!! everyone should give´em a shot, especially if they like metalcore and are fed-up with all those bland bands polluting like everything nowadays :S

cheers!